STATE OF THE NATION'S RETROGRESS,2015

STATE OF THE NATION’S RETROGRESS,2015

Fellow Ghanaians,

I wish to bring to the attention of this great nation

The current State of the Nation’s Address.

I would like to thank you all

For coming out in your numbers to vote me to serve you.

I have served you honourably

And this is the current state of the nation you handed over to me.

I know you’re all eager to hear about the state of our electricity.

We can all attest to the fact that the power situation had been remarkable

Before I took over at the helm of affairs.

Our elders say ‘No condition is permanent’

So I wasn’t expecting you to expect regular power supply throughout the year.

Allowing consistent flow of power for domestic & industrial use

Would be quite detrimental to my election campaigns next year.

My party will have no concrete message to campaign with.

Restoring power in the election year will surely favour our quest.

A fish wouldn’t appreciate the comfort in the water it freely swims in

Till it has move from the water to fire and back.

Electricity will surely be restored in election.

Please bear with my hardworking engineers.

Power is in the pipeline.

***

I will set up a new ministry.

‘Ministry for Tracking Presidential Promises’

To monitor & alert me on all promises I make.

The truth of the matter is,

I forget about my promises right after my speech is done.

***

Various contracts have been awarded

For new hospitals across the nation.

Over 20 new hospitals with state of the arts facilities

Shall be constructed before elections next year.

My ultimate aim is to make sure that there are more hospitals

Than KVIPs in the country.

Don’t ask me where monies for the projects will come from

Because I’m as lost as you are.

But God will provide.

***

I promise to complete the Accra-Kumasi Highway before 6^th March

I promise to make Kwame Nkrumah Circle a tourist site by June 4^th

I promise to transform the Odaw River into a Presidential Resort before Easter

I promise to make sure the lawns in front of the Flagstaff House

Are made to look more like lawns than hunting sites.

I promise to make my vice president very well known to Ghanaians

Because it appears some students in SHS don’t even know him.

I promise to put Ghana on OLX.com…Ei sorry

I promise to…..errmmm…what should even promise again?

***

I had wanted to end my presentation in peace.

But I know you people are eager to know what I am doing about corruption.

Well, as one of our ex-presidents once said,

‘Corruption is as old Adam’.

So I want to ask the nation one simple question,

‘Why would you want to fight something which is

Far,far older than you & your great,great grandfathers?’

If teachers are refusing to take their rewards in heaven

And doctors are also refusing to do that,

How do you expect politicians to take their rewards there?

What if some of them don’t qualify for heaven?

God bless Ghana,

God bless the timid people of Ghana,

God bless us all.

Thank you.

HAVE YOUR SAY,I'LL HAVE MY WAY

HAVE YOUR SAY,

I’LL HAVE MY WAY

My fellow countrymen & women,

You have been demonstrating for God knows how long.

You have been calling me names in anger.

You call in to radio programmes and vent your spleen on me.

You express your frustrations on social and print media.

Day in, day out you form various pressure groups,

Anti-corruption & accountability fora to lash out at me.

Anas Aremeyaw Anas & Manasseh Azure Awuni

Keep conducting painstaking investigations

To expose ‘corrupt’ officials in State institutions.

I commend them for their efforts.

My propaganda team will respond to them accordingly.

I’ll urge you to forget about qualifications and working experiences

Because party officials will occupy lucrative State positions.

The party comes first.

I know most decision that I take appear weird

But I humbly advice you not to waste your breath on that.

I campaigned with borrowed funds.

I distributed party paraphernalia & gifts during my campaigns,

And even gave some of you cash to vote me to power.

For your information,

I did not get those funds on a silver platter.

Politics is a major investment in this country.

People heavily invested in my campaigns.

No one invests in projects to make loses.

Even NGOs & churches expect returns on their investments.

Those who funded my campaigns ought to be rewarded.

The least I can do is to reward them with contracts.

Whether they properly carry them out or not,

They must be paid.

I’ll set up commissions to investigate corruption allegations.

But expect no sanctions against my men.

They’re reaping the fruits of their faithfulness to the party.

Forget about my round ministers in square ministries

For the party man deserves his post.

The party foot soldiers who fought for the party

And the numerous party communicators who lied to win power

Must occupy positions in government

To have a bite of the taxpayers’ cake.

You can demonstrate from January 1^st to December 31^st.

It’ll keep your bodies healthy anyway.

Journalists can ask all the useless questions

But my ministers won’t answer them

Because those journalists are not auditors.

Ghanaians also have very short memories.

You can make all the noise

But at the end of the day,

I am the government in power

And you’re the populace under my power.

You can have your say

But I’ll definitely have my way!