Friday 11 September 2015

THE JUSTICE YOU SEEK RESTS IN YOUR WALLET

THE JUSTICE YOU SEEK
RESTS IN YOUR WALLET
It’s been 6 months, 2 weeks, 4 days, 13 hours & 28 minutes
Since your lawyer started arguing out your case.
He has furnished the honourable court
With every evidence necessary.
I must confess that I love his manner of presentation.
I love his ability to boldly defend his position.
I admire his eloquence in the court room.
His confidence & power to punch holes
In the submissions of his opponent is just awesome.
You know you have a good case
And I must admit that the case ought to go your way.
But my dear plaintiff,
You know as much as I do
That before a hand goes another hand must come.
If you don’t scratch my back
 How do you expect me to have the comfort to scratch yours?
This case should have been sealed 5 months ago
But I’ve intentionally adjourned it 6 times already
Hoping you might get the hint I’ve been dropping all along.
The court clerks & bailiffs have also been dropping you
Further clues without success.
Have you ever wondered why the docket to your case
Keeps getting missing mysteriously?
It appears you believe in your counsel
More than me the judge presiding over the case.
Well,
I’ve called you to this sacred hideout
Just to find out how serious you are about your case.
The accused who was caught red-handed
Has exhibited more seriousness & zeal
To triumph in the case than you have.
He has made an incredible & juicy offer
 Which the pope might even have difficulty rejecting.
Forget the lengthy & irritating arguments
Those noisy lawyers make in the courtroom.
They will make all the arguments
But the final judgement will eventually come from me.
I represent the law!
The law rests in my bosom!!
I am the law!!!
The pendulum could swing in your favour or otherwise.
It all depends on you.
I really want to help you get justice
So put the bulky evidence aside & let’s talk business.
Coz the justice you seek no longer rests on your evidence.
The justice you seek now rests in your wallet.

Wednesday 9 September 2015

ENGAGEMENT LIST

ENGAGEMENT LIST
Her family’s engagement list was almost two A4 pages long.
It was replete with items that could easily qualify
For a drinking spot’s shopping list.
The mere sight of it sent my libido into coma.
Joy Dadi bitters - 2 bottles
J.H Henkes schnapps - 2 bottles
Brandy - 2 bottles
Dry gin - 2 bottles
Locally brewed gin - 2 gallons
Palm Wine - 2 kegs
Whiskey - 2 bottles
Beer - 2 cartons
Stout - 2 cartons
Saki(Rice wine) - 2 bottles
1 white billy-goat with black hind legs
1 white fowl that lays brown eggs
Gift for father-in-law (Should include Jonny Walker whiskey)
Gift for mother-in-law (Preferably washing machine)
Gift for brother-in-law (Preferably hostel fee & Sebago)
Gift for favourite auntie (Preferably rent for 3 months)
Hymnal (Hard copy with soft copy on a black 64gig Scandisk pendrive)
1 Saturday Night dusting powder…
On and on the list went
Amazing!
Scanning through the list, my eyes got puzzled.
I kept wondering…
‘Is this actually an engagement list
Or a shopping list for a drinking spot cum pepper soup joint?’
‘Are they virtually selling off their daughter
Or they’re just making me pay for her feeding cost since kindergarten?’
Hmmm….
How can a young man like me,
Whose take-home-pay isn't even enough to take him home
Get married decently?
How do they expect a lad
Who’s still trying hard to find his feet in life
Cough out these strangulating items?
No wonder ex-aspiring husbands
Like Haruna, Makafui & Tony
Have lost their appetites for marriage of late.
I wish I could take the queen of my heart to the altar.
I wish I could have an angel to call my wife.
I wish I could impregnate Papa Goro’s daughter in wedlock.
I wish I could wrap my arms around her every single night.
But with this engagement list
That can even cause a crab to frown,
How can I get married?