IT WAS MY FIRST TIME

IT WAS MY FIRST TIME

I remember my first time day out of my mum’s womb

It was on August, 1st at 23 hours GMT in a taxi

Everyone around was excited but was expecting me to cry

I never did

A midwife hit me on the buttocks to cry

And weeee …..

I wee-weed on her face with a smile

That was my first smile & wee-wee too

***

 I remember my first day in school

I was just 7 months by then at Mercy Day Care Center

I got to the school with my dad in a sleepy mood

He left me crying in the hands of a pretty lady

The lady told me not to cry and asked what I wanted

I pointed straight to her chest

I wanted the milk stored in the container on her chest

She looked at me in amazement & nodded in disapproval

Well, it wasn’t my fault though

 Because I thought she was my new mum

Besides, my dad never told me the place was called a ‘school’

And that the pretty lady was a ‘teacher’

Don’t blame for that

Because that was my first time in school

***

I remember the first time I received a love letter

It was from a very gorgeous girl back in school

Her sweet name started with the letter ‘E’

I shivered instantly when I had the letter

Out of overexcitement, I couldn’t open the letter up till I got home

I headed straight to the public toilet to read it

That was the only place where I was assured full privacy

I started reading the letter & within some few minutes

I felt something within my shorts resurrecting from its slumber

It took me over an hour to finish reading a one & half-page letter

I read it like a government-approved text book for WAEC exams

By the time I was done reading

My shorts had been soaked in a mysterious substance that felt like starch

I thought the content of the letter had made me sick

Don’t blame me though

It was my first time

***

I remember my first kiss

It was around 10pm behind a blue tailoring shop

She saw people kissing in ‘Acapulco Bay’ so she wanted us to try

She protruded her lips & like a sheep being led to the abattoir

I gladly stretched out mine too

She asked me to close my eyes which I merrily did

I wonder if it was even a kiss since it lasted less than 2 seconds

Our lips touched & in less than 2 seconds

I felt a mighty hand had hooked my shorts

I immediately turned round to find out whom that ‘enemy of progress’ was

And guess who it was….???

It was her father…!!!

Don’t blame for my naivety

Because they were my first time

What were your first times like…???